The Soul’s Internal Struggles

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‘The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.’

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882); an American essayist, lecturer, philosopher, and poet whose writings explored themes of individualism, self-reliance, nature, and the importance of intuition and spiritual experience

THESE short stories are taken from conversations and interviews from the mid-1990s with people who had interesting perspectives on life. Unfortunately, I had no explicit permission to reveal their identities, so I kept the stories in their skeletal forms.

Recently, I felt nostalgic and decided to revisit these stories hidden among my keepsakes. To share them in this article, I’ve changed some details to protect their privacy, including embellishing their names.

In this way, I’m offering a collection of deep dives into human life, exploring how ambition, success, and the search for happiness all mix together. As we follow people obsessed with making money and climbing the social ladder, we see that chasing wealth often comes with a big personal cost.

Many people have big dreams and are driven to achieve them. Whether it’s meeting their parents’ expectations or climbing the corporate ladders, some do reach the top, and when they do, they feel like something’s missing. Money and praise just don’t cut it.

Amid all this hustle, there’s a quieter truth. Sometimes, when people take a moment to think, they realise they’re craving something deeper. They want real connections and simple joys, like spending time with loved ones or being true to themselves.

These stories make us think about what success means. Maybe, in our rush for money and power, we forget about the stuff that truly makes life worthwhile — like love, friendship, and finding meaning in everyday moments.

John Duit: Love lost in the pursuit of wealth 

From the moment I, John, took my first breath, my destiny was etched in stone by the hands of my parents. “Study, study, study; work, work, work,” they drilled into me, a mantra that echoes relentlessly in the corridors of my mind. Our household had no room for sentimentality, no whispers of love, no allowances for weakness.

Now, as an adult working in Australia, scaling the treacherous rungs of the career ladder, the refrain has evolved. It’s no longer just about the pursuit of knowledge and toil; it’s about the relentless chase after money, money, money.

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My parents lament my absence, wondering why I haven’t returned home to them. But how can I, when every fibre of my being is consumed by the pursuit of excellence in my profession? I sacrifice my days, nights, and sometimes even weekends and holidays, all in the ceaseless pursuit of advancement and wealth.

Their accusations cut deep — accusations of indifference, of neglect. But what do they know of love? What do I know of love? I am a product of their relentless conditioning, a machine programmed only to study, work, amass wealth, and repeat the cycle endlessly. There’s no room for frivolity, no time for leisurely pursuits.

Do I love them? Do I love myself? The question hangs heavy in the air, unanswered and unexplored. All I know is the relentless rhythm of my existence — study, work, make money, repeat. There’s no space for anything else.

Hollo Chung: Successful but hollow inside

The years passed in a blur of deadlines, meetings, and bottom lines. Each day blurs into the next, a monotonous cycle of ambition and achievement. I rise through the ranks, my bank account swelling with each promotion, yet the emptiness in my soul remains unfilled.

Occasionally, a fleeting moment of introspection pierces through the fog of my ambition, and I wonder what lies beyond the facade I’ve meticulously constructed. Is there more to life than the pursuit of success? Have I denied myself something that has gotten buried beneath layers of ambition and self-denial?

My parents’ voices echo in the recesses of my mind, their accusations haunting me like spectres in the night. 

Do they still wait for me, hoping for a glimpse of the child they once knew, or have they resigned themselves to the reality of who I’ve become?

I contemplate reaching out to them, to bridge the chasm that has widened between us over the years. But fear holds me back. Fear of vulnerability, fear of disappointment, and fear of confronting the emptiness that gnaws at the edges of my existence.

And so, I continue the relentless pursuit of success, burying my insecurities beneath a veneer of determination and ambition. But deep down, I wonder if a part of me still yearns for something more — a connection, a purpose, a love that transcends the boundaries of ambition and wealth.

Tan Serene: Reflecting on Life Beyond Success 

Amid my relentless pursuit, there are moments when I catch glimpses of lives untouched by the feverish chase for success. I observe with a mix of envy and bewilderment as others, with seemingly less wealth and ambition, navigate life with a sense of contentment that eludes me.

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I see them in the parks, shopping malls, churches, and other places, laughing with their families. I watch as they walked hand in hand, seemingly unburdened by the weight of expectations and aspirations that weigh heavily on my shoulders.

In those fleeting moments, I envy their simplicity, their ability to find joy in the small pleasures of life — to revel in the warmth of human connection without the constant clamour of ambition drowning out their laughter.

But such thoughts are quickly dismissed, drowned out by the relentless drumbeat of my ambition. I tell myself that their contentment is an illusion, a facade masking the mediocrity of lives without purpose or ambition. And yet, a part of me wonders if perhaps they’ve discovered a truth that has long eluded me — a truth buried beneath the mountain of wealth and success that I’ve spent a lifetime accumulating.

Envy Lay: Glimpses of serene lives 

I’m all alone at home, surrounded by reminders of what I’ve achieved. But deep down, I feel empty and torn inside. There’s a battle going on in me: part of me wants to keep pushing forward, reaching for bigger goals, more money, and more success.

It promises me all kinds of amazing things if I just keep going.

But another part of me wants something different. It’s not about chasing after fame or fortune, but about finding real meaning and connection in life. It sees success not in how much stuff I have, but in the people I care about and the impact I make on others.

I argue with myself, trying to figure out which voice to listen to. The ambitious one reminds me of all the hard work and sacrifices I’ve made to get where I am. But then there’s the other voice, warning me about the toll this ambition might take on my happiness and sense of purpose.

Late at night, when it’s quiet and I’m alone with my thoughts, I wrestle with these conflicting visions of the future. I don’t know which path to take: keep chasing success no matter what, or dare to choose a different way of living that feels more true to me.

Right now, I don’t have all the answers. But deep down, I can feel a tiny seed of doubt growing inside me, suggesting that there might be another path out there—one that leads to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Mili Seeker: The Awakening

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I was born into a family of privilege, with expectations as lofty as Mount Kinabalu. From a young age, I was groomed to excel academically and pursue a prestigious career. Yet, as the years passed, I felt a growing sense of emptiness within my soul.

Despite achieving success in my career, I yearn for something more. The long hours spent pursuing wealth left me feeling disconnected, from myself and those around me.

It wasn’t until one rainy afternoon, seeking refuge from the storm, that I stumbled upon a quaint café tucked away in Kuching’s Carpenter Street. As I stepped inside, the aroma of freshly baked pastries and the soft murmur of conversation enveloped me like a warm embrace. Something within me shifted.

I began frequenting cafés around the city, connecting with friendly regulars over coffee, relishing life’s simple pleasures. Amidst these comforting visits, I reflected on my life, realising that true fulfilment lay not in success or wealth but in human connection and shared experiences.

With newfound clarity, I abandoned my high-powered career for a simpler lifestyle, swapping designer clothes for jeans and cosy attire, and my corner office for a seat in my favourite cafés. In this transition, I discovered that contentment stemmed not from grand achievements or lavish living but from being present and finding joy in the moment.

Trippy More: Yearning for More than Opulent Trappings 

I’m stuck in my world of privilege, engaged in a game I never wanted to play. It’s like I’m a pawn on a chessboard where power and status are the kings. Every day feels like a battle, with everyone around me scrambling to climb higher on the corporate ladder.

But despite the fancy perks and the competition, I can’t shake this feeling of emptiness. All this chasing after money and status leaves me with nothing but a hollow feeling inside. I realise there’s more to life than just climbing the ranks.

I can’t help but wonder if I’ve been chasing the wrong things all along. Was it worth sacrificing so much for success?

Then, at my friend’s funeral, it hits me like a ton of bricks. He had everything money could buy – fancy cars, a huge house, you name it. But when he died suddenly from a heart attack, none of that mattered. It was a harsh reminder that in the end, all the wealth and status in the world can’t protect you from the inevitable.

The views expressed here are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the New Sarawak Tribune.

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