Book Title: It’s Okay to Laugh : Crying Is Cool Too
ISBN: 9780062419385
Author: Nora McInerny
Publisher: Dey Street Books (US)
Publication Year: 2017
Price: RM79.90
Life can be hard. Really hard. In 2011, Nora McInerny’s boyfriend, Aaron, was found to have brain cancer. She married him. He died three years later. Within a six-week span, her father also died, and she had a miscarriage. At 31, she was a widow with a young son.
McInerny, a blogger in Minneapolis, wrote a memoir about that time, “It’s Okay to Laugh (Crying Is Cool Too)”.
The book has its moments. It will make you laugh a lot, and cry a lot too. Nora is a very funny writer, clever with words and who is honest in the little things (she still wears her retainer), so we know we can trust her in the big ones (what it feels like when everything falls apart).
There’s a few stories about growing up and being tall, some bad choices made dating, and how deeply she loved her husband. This is a book where Purmort’s vulnerability is on full display and one cannot help but really respect that. Also, while most of us have yet to experience any of the tragedy Purmort has, we can certainly empathise with her. She writes in a way where it is natural to feel empathy for the situation and for people experiencing the situation.
Grieving is not the same for everyone, and none of us can know how someone else is feeling.
But somehow, it helps to read how other people navigate through grief. And it’s always a good reminder that we can love each other, and be kind to each other. And we can choose happiness every day.
What is really great about this book is that she acknowledges that life is both funny and tragic, but she doesn’t use the funniness to gloss over the tragedy. Life is not less tragic because it is funny, and it is not less funny because it is tragic, it is fully both/and.
Because Nora gets that, she doesn’t waste time looking for bright sides or silver linings or God’s super secret plan in all of this. She has the grace and the good sense to just let the hard things be hard.
In a blog post she wrote: “Hard things are hard, and while they can someday teach you a lesson or make you a stronger person, they are entirely capable of just beating the everloving shit out of you and leaving you emotionally dead and physically exhausted.
“Which is obviously awful and not fun. But for me it is less awful than going through suffering and feeling obligated to pretend that I’m cool with it because I’m going to become a better person or something.”
But that doesn’t mean this book is all doom and gloom. It is far from it. Remember, it’s okay to laugh! The world is still a beautiful place, even when things are terrible. And this book is about the terribleness of cancer, but it is more about the beautiful love story of Nora and her husband Aaron. It was actually the beauty of that relationship that can make you cry instead of the awfulness. They loved each other so much, and Nora captures that love in all of its weird, funny specificity.
Nora is a compassionate human with (too much) experience in the complicated art of grieving, and her book encompasses so many things about life and grief and love, and being imperfect, and being human. She does all of this while throwing in casual jokes that will make you laugh out loud.
If you want to read a book about people who come out the other side of tragedy with grace and some humour, books that are infused with honesty about tough situations, get your hands on it. “It’s Okay to Laugh” is a highly recommended one. If you’re going through a really hard time and are looking for fellow-travellers, few will be this funny.
This book is a love letter to life, in all its messy glory. It reads like a conversation with a close friend and leaves a trail of glitter in its wake.
