Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
– William Jennings Bryan, former US Secretary of State
Building a business from scratch, learning the ropes of what not to do after falling flat on your face builds resilience like nothing else can. I look back at battles won and lost that were both personal and professional and realise now that nothing was actually a ‘win’ or a ‘loss’. There is no real triumph or disaster, they are both merely imposters as Rudyard Kipling says.
What I realise is that your will determines your path. As you will something into your life, you actually attract it and so for your reality to change, the things and people around you change, little by little, one closing door and one opening door at a time.
Life becomes a sum of many inexplicable happenings – why did dad have to die so young and leave me at a loss? Why did I not choose the easy way out and work for a large company with fantastic pay package when I had the chance? Why did I marry so young against my will and live so many years not knowing who I was? Why did I walk away from it and undergo so much pain, fear, confusion? I know the answer now, as I awake with a clarity that was beyond me many years ago.
I had to undergo what I perceived as ‘loss of something’, but in retrospect it was gain in ways I never understood.
When my dad died, I was 19 and just in university. My world crumbled, I lost my home, I lost my refuge, I lost my youth as I had to step up and be the mother for my mother who spent her next 30 years on depression tablets. But as my world crumbled, I didn’t. I came through for those around me.
The situation made me get married faster than I was ready to be. And though it was a tumultuous marriage, it was also one that defined me in my career path of where I stand. I found a partner-in-crime to go the distance in the adventure we created for ourselves. There was real love, though there were also many unresolved childhood traumas in each of us that made us not understand how we could have managed the relationship better.
The loss of the marriage and everything it stood for – the familiarity and comfort it gave, was unbearable for many years, but as the old world crumbled, a new one was formed. A new world where I was master of my fate, captain of my soul. From the ashes of humility, I became forged into a stronger, kinder, smarter version of the old me.
The old skin of fear dissipated and I emerged fearless – absolutely sure of who we are and where we were going. I no longer got distracted by petty fights, unproductive talk or inane matters. My focus now is razor sharp on what is needed to build my dream. And so I begin to understand that what we perceive as the darkest of nights, lowest of spirits are actually your evolution, a transformation you are needed to undergo to become who God intended you to be.
Life is pretty much predestined based on what signals you have put out to the universe and God loves you more than you allow yourself to believe and gives you what you want – you just don’t recognise the signs of that happening.
We, in our limited understanding and perception, just see it as either triumphs or disasters in our little world. Go further up and see it as it really is – it’s just the universe conspiring to change your mindset, your emotions, your strengths, and the people around you to set you on the right path to who you really were meant to be and the wonderful things you will do.
When you understand this, you will not fear ‘tragedy’ anymore. You will understand it as a grand design to move you one step closer to who you were meant to be on this planet. I end with words that sum this up best by William Ernest Henley in his epic poem ‘Invictus”.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
Next week, I will tell you how the new fearlessness made me do things I would never ever have dreamt of.
The views expressed here are those of the columnist and do not necessarily represent the views of New Sarawak Tribune. Feedback can reach the writer at beatrice@ibrasiagroup.com
