by ROHANA WAHED
Feeling happy, calm as if I’m in the clouds – was what Mohd Asraf momentarily felt that led him knocking on the devil’s door.
Aged 33, living in the north of the state, Mohd Asraf (not his real name) started becoming addicted to syabu in his early 20s. From trying it out of curiosity, he unknowingly ended up becoming addicted to it.
“My first time was when I was approached by an acquaintance while walking in the market. He handed out powder and pills to me. I asked what that thing was? He answered me ‘for pleasure’. Inhaling it the first, second and third time, I started to feel something different in myself and soul. Soon I felt a sense of calm that cannot be expressed in words. I got it for free the first and the second time I tried it until I started frantically looking for it.
“I’m always looking for it if it’s not there. Addiction is like loving a woman we really love – that’s symbolic. As the elders say, ‘jika tidak dapat tengok mukanya, tengok bumbung rumah jadilah’. It’s a pleasure that can make us sick.
“I used to live a life similar to that of a crazy person because of addiction. Talking to the wall, talking to the shadow. I started making up stories that didn’t exist. My brain is always thinking of wanting that pleasure. That particular pleasure. I’m akin to the undead – empty inside. All that’s left of me is a body with life without soul,” he told the writer.
It is not to expose the shame of bringing up the dark side of the past but rather as a lesson to the youth out there that drugs are the country’s enemy.
The writer asked him what prompted him to try drugs, in many things why drugs? Of course as a teenager in school, I think he knows what drugs are. His answer is very simple – due to curiosity.
“I was not exposed to the dangers of drugs. I never knew any friends who were involved in drugs until an acquaintance came along and introduced me to ganja and nospan.
“Like I said earlier, I wanted to know what it felt like and ended up with instead of just trying it out, I became an addict for eight years. In the first three years everything seemed normal but in the fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and finally in the eighth year, it caused severe problems to my way of thinking,” he said.
Sharing on, Mohd Asraf said his mind is controlled by drugs. When teenagers seem to be thinking about the future, he is busy thinking about how to find money to get drugs.
“My condition worsened when I started trying syabu. In addition to causing hallucinations, it also caused my mind to go haywire. That was the beginning of the destruction of my life because of drugs.
“I do not recognise myself. To the point that I was admitted to the psychiatric ward twice.
“Until one day, God opened the way. I was sent to a rehabilitation centre in Peninsular Malaysia. At the rehabilitation centre, I was given proper treatment in addition to being given the opportunity to work part-time.
“I started thinking about the future. I have to be a good man and take responsibility for myself. At the same time, I started studying part-time at a university. During a year of study, I realised that life is precious,” he said, adding that he began to realise that he should choose a more positive lifestyle, thereby putting aside his addiction to drugs.
“I changed my phone number. I distanced myself from friends or those addicts. During the four years in the treatment centre, I was taught ways to stay away from drugs. We are also taught to take care of three things – people, place and thing.
“The meaning is that addicts who are trying to recover must be careful who they hang out with, avoid going to places that are drug dens and thirdly, take care of myself so that I don’t keep drug-related equipment,” he said.
He said, he is not his former self because his mind is now calm, he can think rationally and he has plans for his future life. Mohd Asraf uses his free time to do work following his talent, watching motivational videos and even now, he no longer misses the five daily prayers.
“In fact, I have been called many times to share my experience in Kuala Lumpur, I was given the opportunity to share how I was able to fully recover,” he said.
Mohd Asraf said that every time after sharing, he realised that the organisers and the audience did not discriminate against ex-addicts and instead gave total support so that they continue to walk forward and not look back.
“The support of people around is a great challenge for addicts. I really like and am happy when my family and friends don’t neglect me but always give me encouragement,” he said.
The writer asks, does a drug addict try to avoid or refuse to listen?
“I really hate being warned about not using drugs again because I portray it as a discrimination. I feel like those saying it doesn’t trust me to recover and think that I’m not trying to recover.
“Believe me, the process to recover is not easy. I am easily offended by questions and negative words. I prefer those who use positive words to encourage me to stay in recovery,” he said.
Closing our conversation, Mohd Asraf left a message for youngsters who are addicted to drugs – every failure is an opportunity that opens up a second chance because life without drugs is not something impossible.
“Don’t be afraid to plan for life after recovering from addiction. Make the most of the time to make yourself better than the day before. Think about the future because parents will not be with us forever. Don’t judge us ex-addicts, instead treat us like patients,” he said enthusiastically.
Let Mohd Asraf’s story be a guide and example to all and we should believe that every day is a new opportunity to start over a life that once failed.
