KUCHING: Every mother, never, never, wants to go through life where she has to raise her child alone as a single mother.
Not only is raising a child alone a huge challenge, but oftentimes they need to face the social stigma against them.
Judith Tela, a Melanau from Miri, 33, said when she became a single mother, life was tough for her at first but she kept going – all for the love of her only daughter, Mia Rosetta Rania who is now 12 years old.
“Especially carrying the title ‘single mother’, I have to chin up, carry on with everything just to survive and protect my daughter.
“Life goes on, and it doesn’t care if you are a single mother or not. I can be sad about what has happened to my life but I can’t be sad and angry for too long, because I need to think about my little family and myself.
“Mind over matter, that is my motto to keep me moving,” she told New Sarawak Tribune in an interview.
Judith said that she still faces the social stigma placed upon her and believes other single mothers are facing the same issue too.
“People’s perspective is that I am a bad influence. But on a positive note, I am glad that I am an influencer, but I don’t endorse becoming a single mother. Life’s hard, don’t be like me,” she said.
She also shared that dating life was also not easy for her and people would label her daughter and her as ‘buy 1 free 1’, which she finds very insulting.
“On top of that, finding jobs as a single mother is not easy too. Previously, it was really hard when I said that I am a single mother.
“That is why I chose to work on my own, create job opportunities for myself
and make money on my own doing so many things,” she said.
In terms of receiving financial aid, Judith said she had once applied for aid from a single parent association, but the application got rejected.
“This was interesting to me, but I shook it off, reminding myself that I can do it on my own, there’s more single parents out there that need the help most,” she said.
Further describing her journey as a single mother, Judith said it has been an adventure until now.
“Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but it is all a learning process for me. I am still learning to take care of my daughter now that she is in her pre-teen years which is for me more challenging during this time with all the things happening.
“I can say, it’s a bed of thorny roses but I have to go through it in order to be present and to keep me sane,” she said.
But most importantly, she said that she is forever grateful to her family and their support.
“They are the best. Previously when my daughter was small, my siblings would take care of her when I was away working.
“Now that she is big, I can bring her anywhere, so I can monitor her and assist her in her studies and stuff,” she said.
Previously, Judith did so many things to survive, from being a tuition teacher, retail worker, sales and marketing, receptionist and general clerk.
But today, she has climbed up those stairs and is the communications lead for MYYLiving arts, founder of NFTSWK and co-founder of Blockfest.MY.
In her message to all mothers and single mothers in conjunction with Mother’s Day, she said: “I am not in the position to give advice, but if there is one thing that I want to share is that you must have courage.
“Yes we made mistakes, but don’t let that mistake define you and bring you down.
“Keep on trying to be the best and do whatever is right for you and your children. Don’t waste time on unnecessary stress. Be happy!.”
