‘Harassment is about power — the undue exercise of power by a superior over a subordinate.’
– Michael Crichton, American author.
HOW do you interpret someone’s intention when they use terms of endearment in a physical or virtual conversation with you?
The recent buzz has been surrounding the latest government circular where office trysts or referring to colleagues as ‘sayang’ or ‘dear’ can land a civil servant into trouble.
The Public Service Commission circular dated April 7 stated that using these words on colleagues have been classified as a form of sexual harassment.
The circular which was issued by the commission’s promotion and disciplinary division said those guilty of offences could face disciplinary action under Regulation 4A of the Public Officers Regulations (Conduct and Discipline) 1993.
Sexual harassment is a topic that has received significant attention in recent years, with many individuals and organisations working to raise awareness and prevent such behaviours.
While sexual harassment is a serious issue that can have long-lasting consequences for those who experience it, the subjectivity of what constitutes sexual harassment can be a challenging factor to navigate.
In my personal view, there is nothing wrong with using such words when communicating with someone of the same or opposite sex. Of course, it depends on the context and who you are speaking with.
It also depends on the relations that you have with that person – whether it is a dear friend and colleague or a supervisor and manager.
It goes without saying that it is not okay to use such words with a superior because we must respect the power distance and professional boundaries in the workplace. This should be reciprocated by those who are above us.
When I was living in the United Kingdom, I was confused at first on how the locals would use the words ‘babe’, ‘love’, ‘darling’ and ‘sweetheart’ during a conversation.
Then I came to understand that it is their culture to use such words while conversing with one another including strangers on the street. It does not necessarily mean that they are affectionate towards you, it is just their lingo.
In my previous high school and college there, it was a common sight to see friends regardless of gender greeting each other with a big warm hug. There is nothing wrong with this because it is a norm and culture.
I observed a similar thing when I was in Australia recently. The locals were very friendly, I loved how they would ask: ‘How are you today, dear?’ and ‘Do you have anything exciting going on today, darling?’.
I found this way of interaction and communication pleasant because I appreciated how friendly they were to outsiders like me. This was one of the most memorable parts of my trip besides getting to see and be up close with the nation’s icons – kangaroos and koala bears during a visit to the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary in Brisbane.
Perhaps I am a bit more open minded when it comes to this kind of things considering my experience of living in the UK for four years, so I am accustomed to this.
In the local Sarawakian dialect, endearing phrases like ‘deng’, ‘yang’ and ‘nong’ are commonly used.
For instance, if you were to go to a kopitiam, it is not uncommon to hear the waiter or waitress taking orders to ask: ‘Kitak maok order air apa tek, deng?’ (what drinks do you want to order?).
This is also the case when ordering at a food court and you are being served by an aunty who would often say: ‘Kitak maok makan apa hari tok, yang?’ (What do you feel like eating today?)
If you think about it, it actually reflects one’s people skills. To me, such a way of presenting and carrying oneself radiates a friendly and positive vibe that puts others at ease. It is a part of good customer service that goes a long way in creating a good reputation.
I am certain that you would not be too happy with a waiter or waitress who comes off as rude and unfriendly when he/she is serving you at an eatery.
Sometimes, using such endearing words comes naturally and unintentionally – without any underlying ill intentions.
If you are on the receiving end and you are uncomfortable with it, you can always voice it out and not reciprocate.
Personally, I find it a red flag when such endearing words are followed by sexual innuendos and touching that make me feel uncomfortable. Thankfully, I have never been and do not wish to be in such a situation.
It is worth noting that there is a place and time for everything plus it is better to be safe than sorry.
As such, I believe it is important to navigate carefully when it comes to this matter as the definition of sexual harassment can vary subjectively depending on how respondents perceive and interpret the incident or scenario.
