If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again.
– Author unknown
Losing a loved one is never easy; the passing of someone close to you can be overwhelming, especially if it is a parent, spouse or a child or a very close relative, or a friend you have known for a very long time.
One is likely to experience difficult moments of emotions —despair, sadness, shock, emptiness, regret or even guilt. Or one could express anger at the circumstances of the death of one’s loved one, like one’s anger focused on the Almighty, medical care personnel, relatives or even on oneself.
Very often, one would find it extremely hard to accept a person one loved and who had been with one for so long had left this world. Or one would have to struggle to see how one could ever recover and move on.
While life may never be quite the same again, in time you can ease your sorrow, start to look to the future with hope and optimism, and eventually move forward with your life.
I lost my spouse of 34 years on the afternoon of Nov 2, 2023. The passing of Anneta Joseph came as a profound shock; in fact I felt my world had fallen apart. The kids thought it was just a nightmare and it would be all over when they woke up.
We couldn’t accept the fact that a wonderful woman — who heard no evil, saw no evil, spoke no evil could suddenly have had her life cut short at the peak of her life. One of her principles she held close to her heart and had no qualms reminding the family and relatives, or friends is: “If you have nothing good to say about a person, please shut up! We don’t have the right to talk ill of others. We are no angels.”
She was always there for the family, relatives, friends, colleagues and even total strangers who needed some form of assistance and advice.
An active member of the Catholic church, Nita or Ann — as she was fondly know to her relatives and friends — would never miss any prayer service for relatives or friends who had passed on. And she would also not miss any prayer sessions of her Hindu, Buddhist, Sikh or Muslim relatives and friends.
I recall one incident vividly. When she heard of the passing of a friend’s mom, she didn’t hesitate to rush to the friend’s residence which was 23 kilometres away from our home. And it was just past midnight and raining heavily. It didn’t matter. What was important to her was she had to console her friend and be of assistance to her at her moment of grief.
I remember she came home only the next day around 10 am. She applied for two days’ leave so she could be with the bereaved family. That was Ann!
Talking about family. To Ann, family was top priority. She placed the family, especially the two kids, above herself and made sure they had the best. Her time management was simply excellent. Even when she was working as a Telekom Malaysia Berhad executive, she made sure everything was in place, especially during the children’s schooling days.
There were times when I insisted we hired a maid. But, no! “Maids don’t take care of the house chores as I would like them to,” was her argument!
She retired early just to ensure the family would have full attention and care. She baked biscuits, cakes and even bread for us, arguing that baking our pastries was much healthier. She was also a good cook; at one stage she actively helped manage our restaurant — occasionally helping out in the kitchen.
Even the hired chefs were amazed at her cooking skills. And she was never ‘stingy’ with her recipes, always ever ready to share them with anyone.
Ann was a good gardener too. She loved planting her own vegetables. And the home is also full of pots with various flowers. Oh God! Who is going to take care of all the beautiful flowers?
Most importantly, how are we going to manage and cope without her? She was managing everything in the house, ‘from A to Z’. The family will certainly feel the void that Ann has left behind.
We only came to know of her illness only a few months ago. That was when she felt something was not right, and she decided to see the doctor (personally, I felt she paid more attention to the family and neglected her health.)
The doctors couldn’t zoom in on the cause of her illness. She had an MRI and two CT scans done this year but still, medical personnel could not pinpoint the actual cause of her sickness.
By the time the cause of sickness was detected, it was a tat too late. The cause was septicaemia shock and ischemia due to infection to the pancreatic and abdominal area which led to blood poisoning and eventually, organ failure.
Kidneys and vital organs gave way in the last two days of her life. It was a shock to everyone. The doctors did their best. Just that they couldn’t determine the cause earlier.
People from all walks of life were at the funeral service at the St Joseph’s Cathedral on Nov 4. One of my siblings gave a very good eulogy which described the person that was Ann. Unfortunately, I didn’t have permission to print the eulogy as it was deemed “something personal”. Don’t know what that meant!
And her ashes were interred at the St Peter’s Columbarium, Kuching on Nov 5. Again, a lot of friends, relatives, ex-colleagues and total strangers were present to send her off.
We all just have to accept the fact that God loves Ann more. Goodbye, Ann, till we meet again.
The views expressed here are those of the columnist and do not necessarily represent the views of New Sarawak Tribune.
