Every day and night, my 79-year-old mother asks me “Are we going home tomorrow?”
When she first asked me this question, I replied nicely and politely.
By now, she has asked me this question thousands of times already. And after hundreds of times a day, I am no longer polite. That is the truth straight from my heart.
In fact, it is so irritating that sometimes I shout and ask her to stop asking me that same question and other questions every few minutes.
Another favourite question of hers is “Where is Ah Hong?” Ah Hong is my niece and her favourite grandchild.
My mother asks me “Where is Ah Hong?” when the girl is attending classes in her college and when she goes out with her friends.
She asks me “Where is Ah Hong?” even when the girl is asleep in the room they share while she is in the sitting room with me.
My best friend has advised me not to get angry, pointing that it is not good for my health. Personally, I think I must shout to release my frustration and irritation.
My mother is suffering from a brain disorder, namely, Alzheimer’s Disease.
Alzheimer’s Disease is an age-related brain disease which slowly destroys a person’s memory and thinking skills and, eventually, even the ability to carry out the simplest tasks.
It is the most common cause of dementia, a severe loss of cognitive functioning and behavioral abilities which interferes with a person’s daily life and activities.
“Just like a big baby.” That’s how my best friend aptly describes my mother.
My mother does not know when to bathe. Every morning, I engage in a shouting match with her just to get her to the bathroom.
Friends tell me that many elderly folks affected by Alzheimer’s Disease dislike bathing, too.
In the bathroom, I have to shampoo my mother. If I leave her alone, she come out with dry hair. She will not use any soap, hair or body shampoo.
I have to make sure she changes her clothes and leave the dirty ones in the bathroom.
I also have to make sure she takes her medicine and I make Milo, her favourite drink, for her.
I have to give my mother her food on a plate at mealtimes.
My mother wears spectacles and sometimes, we cannot find the spectacles for weeks. My mother is very good in hiding them. Now you see the spectacles, now you don’t.
She also keeps on hiding her sandals. I am never good in the hide and seek game, so I have learnt to keep a spare pair of sandals for her in a bag.
My mother goes to the Tanah Putih government polyclinic in Kuching to get her regular supply of medicine for hypertension initially and later on, diabetes. The doctors and nurses there are generally very sympathetic to her. Thumbs up for their good services!
I first heard about Alzheimer’s Disease and dementia from my best friend. Her mother suffered from it years ago. Her mother’s condition deteriorated to such a point that her elder brother eventually employed a full time caregiver to take charge of her.
Just the other day, another friend of mine confessed that her mother was in the early stage of dementia. On certain days, she can remember things clearly. On other days, she cannot. When she cannot, she makes life miserable for my friend and her family members.
I know of a centre that takes care of such old people in Kuching. I once thought of sending my mother there. But the centre only takes care of the old people from 8am to 5pm.
The time table does not fit my needs. I work from late afternoon till midnight and need someone to take care of my mother when I am at work.
I have no money to send her to a full time care centre. Besides that, I don’t think I have the heart to send her there and leave her there. No matter how crazy she drives me, she is still my mother.
My mother has gone missing twice. She went to a supermarket in our neighbourhood once to buy painkillers and noodles and could not remember her way home. Some kind workers at a nearby bakery sent her to a police station.
She told some policemen and policewomen there that she came from Sibu and kept mentioning my younger brother, who happened to be a cop.
Busy somewhere, I was surprised to receive a call from my nephew, who told me that my mother was at the police station. He asked me to pick her up.
From then onwards, I stopped giving the old lady money. I did not want her to go to the supermarket again and be lost again.
I was at work the second time my mother lost her way home. She had gone to the supermarket again with some money given by a grandchild. She ended up in a nearby lane.
This time, she kept mentioning my name and my job. Luckily, the kind neighbour, in whose house she ended up, knew someone who worked in a newspaper. It was not long before he got hold of my personal handphone number and called me.
Not only that, he also took the trouble to personally send my mother back to my house.
Two teenaged nieces were taking their afternoon naps when my mother let herself out of the house to go to the supermarket. One of the girls realised that the old lady was missing at around 7pm that day.
The kind neighbour sent my mother back to my house at around 8pm.
Some neighbours have asked me why I do not lock my gate. I used to lock my gate. That was before I learnt that my mother had been climbing the gate like a monkey. She used a chair in the car porch and the wheeler bin outside the gate to get in and out of the house.
My mother is now seeing a doctor at the Samarahan Heart Centre. I know there is currently, no cure for Alzheimer’s Disease.
There are seven stages of the disease and I believe my mother is in the last stage, Stage 7 (Very Severe Decline).
It is very mentally very tiring to look after an Alzheimer’s patient. But what can I do? No matter how heavy the load, I have to bear it. She is, after, my mother.
My friends, if you were in my shoes, what would you do?
