Mother’s Day is a day to appreciate the efforts of mothers — whether biological or not — as a mother’s love knows no bounds. Throughout their struggles, a mother’s patience with her children does not waver; rather, it strengthens her.
Mothers’ unconditional love for their autistic children
Being a mother is both beautiful — because of the smiles that greet you every day — and a nightmare — because of the challenges and hardships that we encounter on a daily basis. But the blessing in disguise is what fuels a mother’s affection for her children.
Though riddled with routines and limitations, a mother’s love for her children never fades. This Mother’s Day, I’d like to express my appreciation to mothers who have autistic children. Children on the autism spectrum might exhibit a variety of symptoms such as social problems, not responding when called, nonverbal communication, tantrums, repetitive moments, and others.
While caring for normal children can be challenging, caring for an autistic child can raise the bar. Nonetheless, with patience, care, and love, an autistic child can blossom. Lily Diana Richard, a mother of an autistic child, echoed the idea, saying that her son, Shawn Michael Timothy, used to have difficulty counting normally in mathematics.
“However, when I worked out a different — unusual — way of doing mathematics with him, he was able to do his calculations well. When caring for an autistic child, we must discover an alternative way to raise them. Only when we can see through their capabilities will they be able to move beyond,” she said.
The mother of three said that her middle child, Shawn, was diagnosed with autism when he was three years old. Shawn was found to have odd behaviours such as speech delay, tantrums that lead to self-harm, and even being unresponsive when called.
“He has greatly improved after we sent him to therapy and classes at the Kuching Autistic Association. We put him to a regular school since he can socialise and go to the toilet on his own. He can also keep an eye on his younger sister at school,” shared the 32-year-old.
When asked how she felt when she first learned of the diagnosis, Lily said she was overcome with emotions. One of these was guilt, and she blamed herself for Shawn’s condition.
“I kept thinking that perhaps I had eaten something wrong or too much of something while conceiving him.”
Nonetheless, she said that after educating herself and her family about the autistic spectrum, she gradually learned to let go of the negative feelings.
“But, with all of these overwhelming thoughts, struggles, challenges, and daily chores, I sometimes cry in the bathroom. Being a mother can be truly exhausting. I’m not even getting enough sleep. Yet, being a mother is a blessing because it is the children who shaped me into the person I am today,” she shared.
Lily revealed that a strong support system was what kept her going. From her husband to her parents and parents-in-law, she said each of these individuals helped her stay strong over her 11 years as a mother.
“Being tough is one of the many things I learned as a mother. You can cry, but having a support system to whom you can communicate your feelings is important.”
Meanwhile, Ivy Bong, a mother of twin boys, said that as a mother, she has learned to cherish every moment she has with her boys as they grow up.
“This moment will pass in a flash. Today is different from before.”
With two boys to manage, she revealed that the younger twin was diagnosed with autism at the age of seven.
“I noticed that, unlike his brother, Aiden did not respond when I called him. I had no idea what autism was back then. Eventually, I educate myself and my husband on the subject.”
Bong revealed that she initially was in denial about her son’s condition because she had not expected him to be a special child.
“I couldn’t believe we couldn’t communicate, but we ultimately came to terms with it. You never realise how patient you are until you have to deal with autism.”
Aiden, according to the 48-year-old, is nonverbal and has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. She, on the other hand, learned to communicate with her son by providing him with plenty of papers to write on and express his thoughts.
“If he wants fries, he will spell them. If he wants to go to the beach, he will write it down for us to read.”
While being a mother is a joyful role, Bong admits that it may be taxing at times.
“I wouldn’t say it’s tough; rather, it’s a role that teaches me to be emotionally stronger. As a mother, I must maintain as much normalcy as possible because I also have a normal child. Even if it is a challenging trip to the kopitiam, my husband and I will make it.”
The struggle arises when Aiden becomes restless outside.
“Most of the time, people understand us. But when they don’t, we try to raise autism awareness.”
Despite the difficulties, Bong and her family must carry on with their lives. To balance the norms, the mother of two said that when one member of a family is diagnosed with autism, everyone in the family is automatically placed in the autism world.
Though motherhood is a challenging task, both Lily and Bong are grateful for their roles as mothers to their children. As each of the two women struggles every day to maintain their children’s wellbeing, they know how to cherish the moment — of every laugh and cry — as even the smallest things can etch wonderful memories from the heart.
