Only the foolish would think that wisdom is something to keep locked in a drawer. Only the fearful would feel empowerment is something best kept to oneself, or the few, and not shared with all.
– Rasheed Ogunlaru, acclaimed life, business and corporate coach
What would you do if, after hardly three months or so, you decided to call it quits all because your mentor or your colleagues or worse still, your boss, failed to help you get accustomed to your job, ran you down at every opportunity they had, or found excuses to reject your efforts?
This exactly happened to a friend’s son who was “forced to quit” after he had — in the words of the young man — to “go through hell” when he was mistreated by his mentor and some of his colleagues almost daily for more than three months.
He finally threw in the towel at the behest of his family as he was almost getting into a state of depression.
From the young man’s narrative about his first job experience, I just couldn’t find appropriate words to console him. The 25-year-old was teary-eyed throughout our conversation (via Zoom video conferencing, with his dad by his side).
His mentor, a thirty- or forty-something lady, was apparently harassing him daily, constantly finding faults with him. She has been in the agency for a while and her colleagues avoid crossing paths with her for fear of receiving a mouthful from her.
Even her boss apparently didn’t seem to be of any help to the staff when they approached him and aired their grievances.
“No doubt she’s a good worker and knows her job thoroughly. I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said she appeared more competent and knowledgeable than the boss himself. Perhaps that’s the reason he let her be,” said my friend’s son.
“But she doesn’t have the patience. She’s not a person who shares her knowledge and experience to assist others to progress. She’s not readily accessible or approachable and prepared to offer help when the need arises. Why do I have this feeling that she wants to look indispensable?”
He claimed that she would bark at him each time he approached her. On top of that, she would demean him in the presence of the rest of the staff.
“The least she could do was to shut the door of her office and explain to me nicely. But no, she would shout at me for the rest to hear. At times I felt like jumping out of the window out of embarrassment.
“A majority of the staff — old and new — would just tolerate her, for they need their jobs. Sometimes I felt that the woman was suffering from PMS (premenstrual syndrome), but come on lah, not almost daily!”
It’s obvious that the woman has to be removed from her role as a mentor. Allowing her to continue in her role is going to affect the morale of most of the staff members and new recruits.
But the big question is why are the bosses tolerating this woman? Shouldn’t she be sent for counselling or removed from her mentoring role?
A mentor is a role model, coach, counsellor and a trusted resource. He (assuming he’s a man) cares and assures the people under his charge that they are not alone in their day-to-day challenges.
Surely, the woman in the agency in question does not fit the bill because good mentoring can make a profound difference to the lives of recruits.
What other attributes do you need to be a mentor? Check yourself against my list based on my experience with my mentors over the years:
• You must be genuinely interested to see others succeed even if you think they may end up being better than you.
• You must be an active listener, patient and non-interruptive to your mentee, but by all means do advise him if he goes off-track.
• Reliability, honesty and trustworthiness on your part are vitally important to keep things confidential.
• Be understanding, sympathetic and never be prejudiced.
• You should be able to share your knowledge, skills and expertise encouragingly and helpfully without being fearful of being surpassed in your achievements.
• Don’t ever make the mistake of complaining about someone you are mentoring to your colleagues or bosses as this would certainly affect the confidence of your mentee.
The onus is on bosses to ensure they pick the right person to act as a mentor. Otherwise, they would be seen as being incompetent as head of their agency or department.
