“STARTER girlfriends” are TikTok’s latest toxic dating trend.
These first girlfriends serve as “training wheels” for young people inexperienced in relationships.
Once they have acquired enough expertise and self-confidence, the men approaching these partnerships in a throwaway fashion then consider themselves ready to move on to another relationship, this time with the “perfect woman”.
Since August, numerous videos on the Chinese social network have been advising users to find a “starter girlfriend” for the sole purpose of acquiring relationship experience.
According to this advice, there is no point in aiming for the dream girl for a first relationship, but, on the contrary, to lower your standards and find a “less beautiful”, “less amazing” girlfriend to learn the ropes with.
In their approach, a person does not even have to be emotionally attracted to the girlfriend, or even really want to be with her.
It is only the experience that counts, as this proves useful for the next partner, who might actually be “the one”.
This so-called method is proving worryingly popular on TikTok, where the hashtag “starter gf” has racked up 47 million views. The term starter girlfriend may be relatively recent, but the concept is not.
Back in the 1990s, people were already talking about “starter marriages”, referring to marriages that last a short time, usually less than five years, and which do not give rise to any children.
However, while these marriages ended in failure, it was not intentional, whereas relationships with “starter girlfriends” are doomed to fail from the outset.
Everything becomes disposable
Experts view this type of relationship as part of a broader throwaway culture, fuelled by online dating and various dating apps, which have become the norm for members of Gen Z.
“Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble have offered seemingly endless choices, leading some to treat relationships as temporary things that can easily be replaced,” Ammanda Major, head of clinical practice at the relationship counselling organisation Relate, told Dazed.
According to her, this way of dating influences the way Gen Z values relationships. The possibility of commitment and the fear of being vulnerable are also reasons for devaluing relationships.
Hence, the proliferation of equally toxic trends in the dating world, such as ghosting, ghostlighting — which involves being ghosted and gaslighted at the same time — and gophering, or when a match goes AWOL when it comes to meeting up in real life.
These behaviours reflect the ease with which certain individuals put an end to relationships overnight.
By meeting so many potential partners, there is a dehumanisation that tends to take place.
Major also points the finger at the 2020 lockdown, which could still be having an effect on Gen Zers.
Some might feel they are making up for lost time after spending months locked away at home, with no new relationship possible.
“Starter relationships could be a quick way to gain the dating experience that was missed over the lockdown years,” she says.
“It’s vital to remember the importance of respect and sincerity in all relationships, cautioning against treating partners as mere stepping stones,” explains the expert. “Every relationship, whether short-lived or long-term, carries emotional significance.
Making sure there’s a mutual understanding of what the relationship is to all partners makes it more likely it will be one that everyone enjoys and remembers positively.” – ETXDailyUp
